You and your boyfriend broke up and now it seems like everything you do just pushes him farther away, right? You are not alone. That’s a very common problem in these situations.
Unfortunately, the things that women in your situation typically do are the wrong things if there is to be any hope of getting back together with your ex.
Let’s see if we can get you back on the right track and give you some tips that will greatly improve your chances of getting back together with your ex-boyfriend.
You probably wouldn’t be reading this article if you weren’t almost obsessed with figuring out what went wrong and trying everything you can think of to patch things up with your former boyfriend.
As odd as it seems, your determination to get your boyfriend back is probably working against you.
Know the “Guy” Rules
You’ve probably already figured this out, but men and women aren’t wired the same. And when it comes to matters of the heart and relationships, what might seem perfectly normal to you as a woman can actually work to push your ex farther away. Here’s why.
When you adopt a “needy” or “clingy” persona, to you it may seem like you are just demonstrating how much you care and how important the relationship is to you.
However, from the male perspective more often than not this kind of behavior from you is not going to be well received. Your guy has already said he wants out of the relationship, and he’s going to perceive your needy or clingy behavior as pressure being put on him to change his mind.
Obviously, not all men are the same, but 9 times out of 10 when you put this kind of pressure on a man the only thing it is going to do is increase his determination to resist.
Furthermore, because he finds his encounters with you to be a source of emotional stress, he’s going to begin to do everything he can to avoid you, whether it be in person, on the phone, or even by email or text messages.
Here’s a quick checklist:
Are you constantly trying to call your ex?
Are you filling his inbox with emails begging him to come back?
Are you engaging in a relentless text messaging campaign?
Are you trying to make him feel guilty for leaving or feel sorry for you?
In general, are you coming across as a desperate, needy person?
Do you feel distant from your partner no matter how hard you try?
If you answered “yes” to one, or worse all, of these questions, all I can emphatically say is, “if you want to have any chance of getting your ex-boyfriend back, STOP IMMEDIATELY!”
Your need to head straight to any of the Best Lesbian dating sites so that you can figure out what you need and what you have to change in yourself in case there’s something wrong with your approach.
So, what can you do to get your ex-boyfriend back?
Obviously, every couple is different and there is no guaranteed game plan that’s going to work every time. However, here’s a much better strategy for you to employ than the one you’ve been using so far. While it is not a guarantee of success, it will greatly increase the odds in your favor.
First, you’re going to need to take a deep breath, relax a little (or a lot), and then take a completely fresh approach.
You need to start the process by breaking contact off for a while and just go do your own thing. I know it seems counter-intuitive and this will be challenging for you, given how badly you want to get back together with your ex, but you’re going to have to resolve right now to exercise self-control and not return to your old ways.
To help strengthen your resolve, let me ask you this question: “how is your old approach working for you? Would you say your ex is coming around, or does he seem to be more distant than ever?”
Time is critical here, so it’s important for you to make these changes before you drive him further away. Remember our discussion about how men don’t think like women in these situations.
Here’s my next suggestion for you. During this time when there is no communication between you and your ex-boyfriend, you should be focusing on ways to improve yourself, rather than focusing on the relationship issues at hand.
It certainly wouldn’t hurt things if you somehow “magically” started looking hotter, acting more confident and self-assured, and in general becoming more like the woman that attracted him in the first place, instead of some desperate, needy, clingy person.
A strange thing often happens in these situations when you carry out this strategy. First, you are going to literally become more attractive, both physically and emotionally. As a result, it’s entirely likely that your ex is going to begin to experience a shift in how he is feeling about you.
The fact that you are no longer pursuing him (as far as he can tell) allows you to become mysterious to him in some ways because he is not sure what you are doing or feeling. This is actually something that can work in your favor. Now your ex is in a position to actually miss you, which is not possible when you are smothering him.
I guess it’s a “guy thing,” but let’s face it, sometimes guys want what they think they can’t have. Before he knew you so well, there was that element of mystery about you and he obviously was attracted to you. Our goal is to re-introduce that same feeling in him again.
What we are trying to do here is to work with his own, male human nature, rather than struggle against it. By implementing this basic strategy we hope to restore a balance and allow your ex to remember why he loved you in the first place.
So, your mission is to keep yourself grounded and to be sure that you avoid smothering him. Make yourself seem a little more mysterious and he will be reminded why he loved you in the first place.
Yep, this is a variation on the “play hard to get” theme, and it often works very well on men. Just don’t overdo it. So, let him make the first move, and when he does, take it slowly. At that point, it will not help you to seem over-anxious. That takes you right back to where you are now.